The Big Squeeze – Managers in the Middle
Middle managers are often promoted for being reliable. But once in the role, they’re juggling expectations from both sides - and often without the tools they need. One-off training doesn’t cut it. What works? Slowing down to learn, reflect, and try again. Real leadership takes more than information - it takes practice, insight, and space to grow. If we want strong senior leaders tomorrow, we need to support our middle managers today - with learning that sticks.
Middle managers live in the tension between the demands from above and the needs of the team below.
They’re expected to translate strategy into action while supporting individuals, resolving conflict, hitting performance targets, and maintaining morale.
It’s a lot.
Often, these managers are promoted from within. They know the work, they’ve earned trust, and they’re seen as dependable. But that very familiarity can complicate their transition into leadership. One day, they’re shoulder to shoulder with their peers. The next, they’re expected to lead those same colleagues - sometimes without clear guidance, authority, or the confidence that they’re “doing it right.”
The shift from being part of the team to leading it can be disorienting. The social contracts they built others as “one of the gang” can feel like something they need to protect. This can lead to hesitation around holding boundaries, having hard conversations, or asserting authority. Add to that the pressure from senior leaders to deliver results, and it’s no wonder middle managers often feel squeezed from both sides.
What makes the difference?
Not a one-day course. Not a checklist. Not crash course training.
Real leadership development takes time.
It requires space to reflect on personal patterns - how one reacts under stress, how decisions are made, and how communication shifts in different environments. It involves seeing where trust breaks down on a team and understanding what drives - OR - derails collaboration.
It takes courage to look in the mirror and ask:
Where am I getting in my own way?
How do I lead people who are different from me?
What kind of leader do I actually want to be?
The best learning opportunities don’t flood people with content - don’t even get me started on content! As a society we are overrun with hacks and how to’s, digital boards and save lists that are overflowing but not being utilized.
The best learning opportunities - create stretch moments.
They invite challenge, yes, but also provide space to practice, to misstep, and to try again.
They build awareness around different workstyles and motivators, help identify emotional triggers and strengths, and deepen insight into how trust is built (and broken) in teams.
This kind of paced learning helps a manager move from managing the work to leading the people.
If we want our middle managers to grow into senior leaders and not just survive the squeeze, we need to invest in learning that’s intentional, paced, and rooted in real-world application.
Their development isn’t a checkbox. It’s a commitment.
You Can’t Change Them – But You Can Change This
You can’t control how others act - but you can control how you respond. In emotional intelligence workshops, someone always wants tips to “fix” a difficult person. The truth? You won’t change them. What you can do is set clear boundaries, speak up for what matters, and decide what’s right for you. That’s where real change happens. Personal growth, less stress, and healthier relationships start with how you show up.
We’ve all heard it: You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. It’s a saying that’s stuck around for good reason - because when it comes to adult learning and personal growth, it really hits home.
In my work with leaders and teams, this theme gets tabled a lot. Many of them already know what the real issue is.
Sometimes, it’s not what the problem is, but who. And while they’re eager to fix the situation, the truth is... you can’t fix people.
That can be a hard pill to swallow.
Here’s the thing: people get to decide how they show up. You can set clear expectations, explain needs, and put healthy boundaries in place—but at the end of the day, how someone else acts is up to them.
When I teach emotional intelligence (EQ), someone in the room inevitably says they’re hoping to learn how to “deal with” a difficult person. It could be a co-worker, a boss, a partner, a parent, or even a grown child. And while I do offer tools and strategies, they aren’t about changing the other person.
They’re about helping you show up as your best self, advocate for your needs and stay grounded.
First we figure out where things are at, then consider what needs to change and how that can be communicated.
Once your side is clear, it’s up to the other person. They can choose to respond—or not. If they don’t step up, then you get to decide what happens next. That might mean stepping back, letting go, or changing how you interact.
It’s not always easy. It rarely is. But it is worth it.
Everyone deserves to feel respected and supported. Setting boundaries and managing reactions can lead to better days, healthier relationships, and less stress.
You can’t change them. But you can change how you respond. That’s where the power lives.